Star Trek: Swiftfire 08: Unfinished Business
by The Sisko
Summary: As Captain Masters goes over the records for the ship's counsellor he stumbles on a reference to an old flame. As the captain relives the past he learns the shocking truth and consequences of his actions.
1. Prologue

**STAR TREK: SWIFTFIRE**

**_Unfinished Business  
><em>**

(Season 1: Episode 8)

* * *

><p>It was a graveyard. The broken bodies of organic and mechanical objects floated free in space. Once proud fighting ships of the Federation alliance and the Dominion were reduced to scattered hull fragments. It had been a furious battle that had lasted eight hours before the Federation had won. Now they had started the gloomy task of cleaning up the battlefield.<p>

Dozens of teams were active in this place of death. Some were tasked with going through the Dominion and Cardassian hulks and seeing if anything could be retrieved from their computers, as well as checking for any survivors. They were also collecting a list of destroyed ships, an incomplete list since some ships had been blown into unidentifiably little pieces. Most of the teams were tasked with searching and retrieving bodies of Federation and Klingon citizens as well as dealing with Federation and Klingon hulks.

At one point of the battlefield were the remains of a _Miranda_ class starship, it was one of many such hulks. This vessel had one of its nacelles destroyed and its forward hull had been blown apart, exposing a large portion of the ship to vacuum. That explosion had probably knocked the vessel out of the fight and killed most of the crew.

A small shuttle approached the ship and docked with it. Inside the ship a small party of beings in Starfleet uniform made their way through the ship. The vessel still had an atmosphere, since the emergency protocols had come into affect. Emergency forcefields sealed sections that would have kept the atmosphere inside the ship. But the atmosphere smelt off, so obviously the air filters had not been working well. The group made their way deeper into the ship. If anyone survived they would have headed deeper into the vessel, so to reduce the chance of been exposed to vacuum. As they went the came across many dead crew. Finally they reached their goal.

The team came to a door that had a flashing panel next to it. The panel was flashing in old Morse code, "SOS". The group went to the door, but it did not open, the door was sealed. After a few moments one of the team members hotwired the door controls and the door opened and a gush of fresh air escaped into the corridor.

* * *

><p>A young female Lieutenant turned as the door opened and saw five beings enter. They were wearing Starfleet uniforms, they had been saved! She quickly made her way to their rescuers.<p>

"Thank God you arrived. We're been in here for over 14 hours. We managed to keep power and atmosphere in here, but emergency power can only last so long. Are you a Vulcan?" asked the Lieutenant to a female at the front of the group.

The leader of the group looked at the Lieutenant. "Yes, I am."

"I've never seen a Vulcan who didn't have a straight and short hair style."

The Vulcan turned and nodded at the others in her team.

"I need everyone to step back," said the Vulcan. "You will all undergo blood screenings. If you pass you will be taken to our shuttle and transported to a nearby vessel."

"Is that really necessary?" asked the lieutenant. "We've been trapped…"

"It is. Security protocol demands that we check all survivors. I am the ranking officer here and I could order you all to do it."

The small group didn't look happy but went with it. After a few people were tested and passed they were escorted by one of the team members. It came down to only the lieutenant left with the Vulcan and another of the team members. She was tested and passed.

"Excellent, good to know I'm who I think I am." She went to walk towards the door but the Vulcan stepped into her way. "Is there something else?" she asked.

The Vulcan didn't reply but instead raised her phaser.

"What are you doing? I passed the test."

"Yes you did," said the Vulcan.

Then something much unexpected happened. The Vulcan smiled. The Lieutenant stopped and stared in amazement. She had never seen a Vulcan smile before, or even heard of it happening. But this wasn't a calming smile; the smile chilled the Lieutenant to the bone.

"What are you doing?" the lieutenant's voice filled with terror.

"I'm doing my duty."

That was the second last thing the Lieutenant heard. The last was the blast of the Vulcan's Phaser.


	2. Chapter 1

_Captain's Log. Well, we did it. We recaptured Deep Space 9, the most important Starbase in the entire Alpha Quadrant. Even though the Dominion managed to take down the minefield Captain Sisko still managed to stop the Dominion reinforcements from coming through and apparently ended the risk of more reinforcements until a new minefield can be built. How he did this, Starfleet isn't saying exactly, but I have a feeling it had something to do with the wormhole aliens that Sisko seems to have contact with. However he did it, I'm just glad he did._

_But the battle wasn't without loss. In fact if the Klingons hadn't joined the fleet when they did it would have been likely that we would have lost the engagement and of had to retreat. But the Klingons did arrive and we gave the Dominion fleet a hiding and sent them packing._

_As for the _Swiftfire, _minimum causalities considering the damage, plus we lost several fighters. The crew's spirits are high after such a large victory over the Dominion and again we feel like we can win this war._

_We will win the war._

_On the lighter side of things I've just received a message from an old friend. I'm going to meet this friend at Quark's. It should be good since I haven't seen this friend since I was last here, at DS9._

_End Log._

* * *

><p>Captain Jonathan Masters walked into Quark's and found it hadn't really changed since he last visited the establishment. Jonathan saw an attractive female Trill waving at him. Jonathan smiled and walked over.<p>

"Dax! You're looking as beautiful as ever," said Jonathan as the two embraced.

"It's good to see you, Jonathan. Those captain pips really suit you," said a smiling Jadzia Dax.

Jonathan's hand came up and brushed against the four golden pips that were on his collar. "Thanks. I can't say it's been easy…but it has been worth it."

"I wanted to see you when we were back at Starbase 375 but I just never found the time. But I have time now. Have a seat."

Both officers sat down opposite each other at the small table. Quark was quick to appear.

"Commander Dax, what can I get you today?" asked the Ferengi.

"I'll have a Raktajino," said Dax.

"And you Captain…?"

"Oh, this is Captain Jonathan Masters, Quark. He's an old friend," said Dax.

A strange look came to the Ferengi's face. Jonathan wasn't sure but he would have said it was one of panic or fear. "It's nice to meet you again, Captain."

"I'm surprised you remember me!" said Jonathan.

"How can I forget? It isn't everyday that a Starfleet Commander appears in my bar and gets the same third degree from Odo that he gives to me."

Jonathan smiled as he remembered that peculiar first meeting he had with Odo.

"So what will it be?"

"I'll just have a Raktajino as well."

With that Quark disappeared off to get their drinks.

Jonathan looked confused as the Ferengi left. "I must have made a pretty bad first impression to get Quark to remember me."

"You made a bit of an impression on everyone last time you were here. With the whole mystery of that attempted murder on you and blowing up a room on the habitat ring. What did the investigation team find out? They sped into DS9 like flies to honey and basically took everything that had anything to do with the incident."

Jonathan uncomfortably shifted in his chair as he recalled the ordeal. "Most of it's classified but they came to the conclusion that Commander Domique was just a psychopath who got his hand on equipment that gave normal humans telepathic abilities and used it to intrude in peoples minds and kill them from the inside."

Dax shook her head. It was hard to believe that in these enlightened times that they still had people who took joy in killing others, plus that despite hundreds of worlds' centuries of medical science that no one had come up with a cure to or even a definite cause of psychopathic behaviour.

"What about that chip Dr. Bashir found in your head?" asked Dax.

"No one knows for sure. It was badly damaged so that it was impossible to deduce its use. But they decided that it was similar to some pioneering medical science work in interfacing a human brain with a computer. Have no idea how it got into my head but they seem to think it happened when I was in the coma after the Hyralan incident.

"The Starbase I was at was a medical research facility so it was possible that they thought I was not going to come out of the coma so they decided to use me in some trial or test of this equipment. But I came out of the coma and they didn't want to admit they had given up hope and were going to use me as a guinea pig so they left it in my brain."

"Have you tried to find your doctors who treated you?" asked Dax.

"Yes, but they can't tell me anything. It's all classified beyond my reach. Make you wonder how many others have been used for medical research that shouldn't have."

"Yes, it does. Is Starfleet looking into it?" Jonathan nodded. "I hope they find others who had the same happen to them but don't know it and set things right.

"Quark, are you going to give us our drinks or just stand there?" asked Dax.

Jonathan turned to see Quark standing close by with their drinks.

"Of course, Commander. I'm sorry."

The Ferengi rushed over and quickly gave them their drinks.

"Enjoy," said Quark before quickly retreating back.

Dax smiled and lent closer to Jonathan. "Don't worry about Quark. He's just been a Ferengi."

Jonathan nodded. "So that is enough about the past, what about the present. How are you Jadzia?"

Jadzia lent back in her chair and smiled broadly. "That's the main reason I got you here. I thought you'd like to know that I'm getting married in several days."

Jonathan nearly dropped his Raktajino in surprise.

"We decided that we didn't want to wait until the end of the war to get married, so we're having it here. In Quark's."

Jonathan was still in a state of shock. He was caught completely be surprise by this news. He had no idea that Dax had been in a stable relationship. "To who?" asked Jonathan.

"Commander Worf."

Jonathan nearly choked as he heard who she was marrying. He couldn't think of someone more opposite to Jadzia then the Klingon Commander Worf, at least by what he knew of the Commander.

Jadzia laughed as she saw Jonathan reaction. "Don't worry, Jonathan. A lot of people don't think that this marriage is appropriate."

Jonathan shook his head in his defence. "I'm not disagreeing with your choice, Jadzia. I know that you must really love the Commander to be getting married. I'm just surprised that he was the one you would end up with. But I am happy for you, Jadzia. I'm glad you've found the person you want to grow old with."

Jadzia smiled sweetly at Jonathan. "I knew you'd understand. You're definitely a different person from the man who left DS9 two years ago."

Jonathan again felt a cold pain in his chest as he return to that painful part of his life. "Yes I am. The pain is still there. I don't think it will ever leave. But I have learnt to live with it and move my life forward. I get comfort in knowing that Captain Allston and the others would want me to continue and not to let their deaths hold me back."

Jadzia put her hand on Jonathan's. "I'm glad you've moved on. You'll be a great captain, Jonathan. I'll not be surprised if my kids learn about you in their history lessons.

"The only thing that worries me is that I don't see a ring on your finger. I would have thought that a catch like you would have been taken a long time ago."

Jonathan tried not to squirm. He had never been comfortable talking about his relationships, even with a friend like Dax.

"I am going out with the commander of the fighter squadrons on the _Swiftfire_," admitted Jonathan.

"That's great! So how is it going?"

"Good."

"Good? That doesn't sound good. Let me guess, you're looking for more?" inquired Dax.

"More? No. She has everything. She's kind, sweet, sensitive, attractive, and funny. She is the perfect women. She can't give me anything more that would make a difference. That's not the problem," disagreed Jonathan.

Dax pounced on the last thing Jonathan said before he realised he made a mistake.

"So there is a problem! Well, if she is the right type of woman, then it's the relationship. Do you love her?"

Jonathan's heart nearly exploded as it jumped in rate. This question made him feel extremely uncomfortable. Jonathan's mind raced as he thought of a way to get off the subject, but it was to no avail. Jonathan knew the implications of what he was about to say, but he had no choice. But just as Jonathan was about to speak he was rescued by someone calling Dax. Jonathan looked to see a rather unhappy looking Klingon glowering at him. Jonathan saw the Klingon's eyes dart down and Jonathan knew what he was looking at. He was looking at Dax's hand on his.

"Worf!" said Dax excitedly. "I'd like you to meet an old friend of mine, Captain Jonathan Masters."

Jonathan immediately stood sliding his hand from under Dax's and offered his hand to the Klingon.

"Commander Worf, it is a pleasure to meet you," said Jonathan as he looked down on the shorter Worf. But this didn't make Worf look less intimidating.

"Captain," said Worf as he shook hands.

"I was just inviting Jonathan to the ceremony," said Dax. "It's lucky Jonathan's ship is nearby of he would have missed it."

"Yes, it was," said Worf, not sounding at all pleased.

Jonathan's communicator beeped, saving him from this situation.

"Masters here," he said as he tapped it.

"_Captain, we've finished the report on the _Swiftfire's _readiness,"_ came Commander Core's voice.

"Good work, Commander. I'll be there in a few minutes. Masters out."

Jonathan looked apologetically at Dax. "I'm sorry but duty calls. When you've fixed a time for the ceremony just call me, I'll be on the _Swiftfire_. It was great catching up with you, Jadzia. And it was good to meet you Commander. I'll see you both at the wedding."

* * *

><p>Dax smiled and said farewell to Jonathan while Worf continued to glare at him. Jonathan was about to leave when he remembered his drink.<p>

"I'll pay for our drinks. Think of it as a little pre-wedding gift."

Jonathan was going to seek out Quark but the Ferengi appeared next to him, giving Jonathan a shock.

"No charge!" said the Ferengi quickly. "Consider it a gift for old friends meeting once again."

Jonathan hid his surprise of Quark's non-Ferengi like gesture and smiled. "Thank you, Quark. That's very kind of you."

With that Jonathan left the bar.

Worf waited until Jonathan disappeared from view.

"I do not like him," said Worf blatantly.

"Neither do I," said Quark.

Dax raised an eyebrow at Quark. "I understand why Worf doesn't like Jonathan, but why don't you?"

"He's dangerous. He looks like your average human, dull and boring. But he is not the type of person you mess with. People around him get hurt, or worse killed."

Dax was about to question Quark more when another person joined their conversation, Odo.

"As much as I hate to say it, I agree with Quark. Captain Masters is a very dangerous person. But what I want to know is why does Quark thinks he is dangerous?" said Odo.

All eyes turned to Quark, who immediately looked defensive. "What? It's just an observation. I've hung around a few unsavoury types."

"A few?" interrupted Odo.

Quark ignored Odo's comment and continued. "And usually it's the ones who appears the most normal who are the dangerous ones. One minute they are your friends and then the next they're throwing you out an airlock. Captain Masters just strikes me as that type."

Odo glared at Quark. "Hmmmm. You know more then you're letting on, Quark. I know you and I can tell."

Quark immediately started to back away. "Don't give me that, Odo. I have nothing to do with this Captain. You're the one who has a case file on him, not me."

Dax turned to Odo. "You have a file on Jonathan?"

"Yes. There are still a lot of loose ends with his last stay on DS9. I don't like loose ends. But how did you know that Quark?"

Quark stuttered as he backed away. Odo followed and the two were soon arguing.

Dax looked at Worf whose look asked for Dax to explain.

"Look. Jonathan is nothing more then he appears, a career Starfleet officer. There is nothing sinister about him. Nothing!"


	3. Chapter 2

"Captain."

Jonathan looked up from the report he was reading.

"I'm sorry, sir. The door wasn't locked and it just opened when I approached. I just came in," explained Lieutenant Terri Letac.

Jonathan gestured for Letac to come closer. "That's fine, Lieutenant. How can I help you?"

"Can we talk, sir?"

Jonathan took his attention off his report. "Of course, Lieutenant."

"Well, I was wondering why we didn't have a ship's counsellor?"

Jonathan lent back in his chair. He had been wondering when this would come up.

"We weren't given one when we launched and I haven't asked for one. So Command hasn't given us one. If you need to talk to someone the Commander is very good at giving advice."

"What about you, sir?" asked Letac.

"Sure," said Jonathan uncomfortably. "Though I'm not too sure I can help."

"That's my point. We need someone who can help. Someone who feels comfortable to hear our problems and someone who the crew feel comfortable with," explained Letac.

"So you want me to put a request in with Command?"

Letac squirmed. "Not quite. I have a friend who I think could fill the role."

Jonathan couldn't hide his surprise. No wonder the Lieutenant had squirmed, she was basically telling her commanding officer what to do and who to get. But Jonathan knew Letac fairly well and knew that she wasn't the type to make a suggestion without merit.

"It's not like you'd be stealing her from a ship, sir. The vessel she was serving on was destroyed recently and the crew is been split up to new postings on other ships. She has also said she would like to serve on the _Swiftfire_," rushed out Letac.

"Calm down, Lieutenant. I guess the padd in your hand is her service record and history?" said Jonathan.

"Yes, sir," said Letac looking at the padd.

Jonathan put out his hand and Letac slowly placed it in his hand. Jonathan looked at the padd display and saw a list of names. He looked up at Letac.

"Oh," said Letac as if she had been caught with her hand in the cookie jar. "That's just a petition of crew who think that a counsellor is required."

"Just in case I dismissed your idea?"

"Yes," she admitted uneasily.

"While I'm not a big fan of the idea of a ship's counsellor, I won't force that onto anyone else. So if you want one I will put in the request. Whether or not it's for…" Jonathan switched over files to view Letac's friend's details. "Lieutenant Wessling I don't know yet. But I'll review her file and if I think she will be right for the _Swiftfire_ I'll put in for Command to transfer her here."

Letac smiled broadly. "Thank you, Captain. I think you'll find that Aimee, I mean Lieutenant Wessling is an excellent officer."

Jonathan didn't doubt that, since who would give a poor officer's details to their commanding officer and ask them to transfer the officer to their ship. "Thank you, Lieutenant. Dismissed."

Lieutenant Letac snapped to attention and quickly marched out of Jonathan's ready room. Once she had gone Jonathan ordered the Computer to lock the door and he went about reading the padd.

* * *

><p>"It's a pity we don't paint kills on our fighters."<p>

"Yeah, it would show how far I'm ahead of you guys."

"Get over yourself. I got more kills then you did in the last battle."

"You might have but I didn't have to go EV. I came back in my fighter."

With that the half dozen pilots started to argue. They were in one of the larger lounges on the _Swiftfire_. With the ship currently set to close protection of Deep Space 9 there had not been much action in the last week. The two commanding officers of the groups were also there. Colonel David Tiki and Wing Commander Maxine Benton sat not too far from the arguing pilots.

"Do you want me to go and break it up?" asked Tiki.

Maxine shook her head. "No. It's just an ego fight, typical pilot behaviour. They'll settle down after a while. So back to what we were talking about, you must have been bored?"

"Yeah. We couldn't do much when the fleet was trying to break through the Dominion lines except go around guarding the sections of the ship. But my men still assisted where they could, manning stations for injured crew or taking injured crew to sickbay, fighting fires, and other various small duties."

Maxine took a sip from her cup. "Still I bet you would prefer to be fighting the enemy."

"Of course, that's what we're trained to do. We haven't seen much action so far in this conflict but with the successful retaking of DS9 I hope Starfleet Command is going to be more proactive in retaking captured systems and bases. That means more action for us like at Sector 432. Plus we can't win this war with a good defence. We're going to have to strike over the border and when we do, we'll be ready."

Maxine nodded. "An offensive is going to have a heavy cost in men and machinery."

"In war that is the only sure thing."

"How long do you think this war will go on for?" asked Maxine.

Tiki contemplated for a while. "Years with this current state. With no support from the Gamma Quadrant the odds are more even. This isn't going to end quickly. The side that wins will have to slowly batter the other side into submission, which isn't going to be easy with either side. Especially for the Dominion, since they have to conquer the Federation and then the Klingons, who will go down to the last warrior.

"But if something happens and the power shifts quickly to one side it will be over in months probably."

"Sort of like before we retook Deep Space 9. It looked as if the war would be over in several months," said Maxine.

"Yes. The Dominion was fighting as if they had all the power, which wasn't true. They were fighting so hard with little regard for losses because they thought they would have the minefield down soon. It took them three months but it didn't worry them because they knew that once it was down they would really have all the power needed to win. Now it is quite obvious it isn't going to happen like that and the Dominion won't be able to keep in the same intensity as it had before. Like I said before, the war is now more even."

Maxine looked surprised at Tiki. "For a soldier for certainly know a lot about the whole war situation."

Tiki shrugged. "What can I say? I have a lot of spare time so I read a lot of the Federation News Service's reports on the war."

The door to the lounge opened and in walked Letac. She immediately headed for the two officers.

Maxine greeted her. "Hi, Terri. So how did it go?"

"Great!" said Letac sounding pleasantly surprised. "The captain was open to the idea."  
>"I told you he would."<p>

"Despite him not liking the idea of a ship's counsellor he still said he would get one since I thought it was needed."

"Seems the captain gave in easily," commented Tiki. "Maybe I should go and ask if he'll take us to Cardassia Prime and drop off me and my Marines so we can go and have some fun."

"I don't think he is insane, yet," said Maxine. "Sounds like he was expecting this was going to come up sooner or later."

"I bet he would have preferred later," said Tiki. "I know I would have."

"You don't like Counsellors either?" asked Letac.

"I like some counsellors personally but like the captain I don't like the idea. All you need is friends and they can do the same thing for you and it makes them feel closer to you."

"But there are sometimes when you can't talk to a friend about something," argued Maxine. "A counsellor is for those times. Plus its better since it doesn't put extra weight on your friends to solve your problems."

Tiki held up his hands. "I don't think we're going to settle this issue. Let's just put it aside. So Lieutenant, tell us about this friend of yours."

"I think she is going to really impress the captain. There is nothing he could find in her records that would give him nightmares."

* * *

><p>Jonathan was impressed with what he read about Lieutenant Aimee Wessling, Letac's friend. She had seen plenty of duty yet she was still a lieutenant, junior grade. This came down to the fact she had been reprimanded twice by one of her previous captains. This hadn't been anything really serious and they had served for several more years together. She had a lot of success in her career. But her failures could still tell a lot about her.<p>

Jonathan viewed her failures. Some were interesting and it showed that the Lieutenant was not one to give up easily and that she really tried everything she could. In fact she had gone to extreme lengths to try and solve some problems and these times were when she was reprimanded. But these were very early in her career, so Jonathan decided that it was probably because she was not use to failure at the time, but with more experience she realised she couldn't solve every problem.

Next thing that Jonathan viewed was her Academy records. She had ranked very highly in her class. Jonathan knew that every academy graduate spent some time putting their skills to the test. For helmsmen it was time flying a Starfleet ship, for science graduates it was working under a current science officer on a ship or in research centres. So he knew that the Lieutenant would have probably spent time on a small ship under the command of the senior counsellor of the vessel. This year was very important in shaping graduates, so naturally Jonathan headed straight to that section of her file. He was surprised to find she had served in a civilian facility. He would have thought it was fairly unusual but maybe not for the Lieutenant's area of expertise since it would give them a chance to work with people who had some major problems and they would not encounter many or any of these types of people already serving in Starfleet.

The Lieutenant had worked in a San Francisco psychiatric hospital. Jonathan looked over her cases. The Lieutenant hadn't been given any really serious cases. Most of them were people with severe emotional problems.

Jonathan froze as he saw the name of one of her patients in the institute.

Jonathan slowly spoke. Not believing what he saw.

"Mel!"

Jonathan's hands started to shake as he struggled to hold the padd as memories started to flood back. Jonathan slowly loaded a more detailed description of the patient.

* * *

><p><strong>Patient Name:<strong> Melissa McKenzie.

**Analysis:** Patient has deep emotional trauma from a previous relationship from several years before with a Starfleet cadet named Jonathan Masters. Blames the break-up of the relationship on Starfleet. Was placed in care by family as it became apparent that the patient would not be able to care for herself. She is hostile to help and it is uncertain if she even wants any help at all. She has become extremely antisocial and is prone to violent mood swings. Treatment in both counselling and medication has not yielded satisfactory results.

* * *

><p>Jonathan dropped the padd and closed his eyes. He couldn't believe that this had happened. He knew he had hurt her but this was far worse then he ever imagined. He had hurt her worse then he had ever hurt anyone. What made it worse was that he had never forgiven himself for doing what he had felt was the right choice, now he wasn't so sure it was the right choice.<p> 


	4. Chapter 3

Jonathan turned his head and looked at his computer screen and was shocked to see the time. It was very late. Jonathan didn't know where the time went all he could remember was looking out into space thinking…or so he thought. He couldn't actually remember thinking of anything. The Captain of a Federation starship had just spent most of the day spacing out in his ready room. Jonathan was slightly angry with his behaviour and got up. He still had six hours until he was due to be back on duty so he decided to go to his quarters to catch some sleep.

The door to the Bridge opened as Jonathan approached and he walked straight into someone.

"Watch where…I mean, sorry sir!"

Jonathan looked to see he had run into Ensign Frank Cole. Jonathan didn't seem to hear what Frank had said and look perplexed at the Ensign.

"Why are you still on duty, Ensign?" he asked.

"I'm doing an extra night shift so to get some experience with other Bridge positions other then Helm, sir."

"Oh, that's fine, Ensign. Carry on," said Jonathan as his eyes and mind drifted off.

Jonathan walked past Frank and headed to the Turbolift. Frank looked at the Captain, slightly confused by Jonathan's behaviour.

Jonathan went straight to his quarters. When he arrived he suddenly felt exhausted, both physically and emotionally. After a quick wash he fell into bed and deep into sleep.

* * *

><p><em>Where am I?<em> Thought Jonathan as he looked around. He was in a park on a planet. He looked around and saw people, humans, none he knew but it all felt familiar. He started to walk forward. He didn't know where he was going or where he came from but it seemed the right thing to do.

Jonathan approached a small café. He saw a young woman walking away from the counter with a drink. The woman seemed so familiar yet he didn't know her. The woman all of the sudden stumbled and fell, spilling her drink. Jonathan rushed to where she fell.

"Are you alright?" he asked.

"Apart from feeling like an idiot for tripping over, yeah, I'm okay," replied the woman not looking up.

Jonathan extended his hand to her. "Here, let me help you up."

The young woman looked up. She swept her long blonde hair from her face and smiled. "Thanks," she said giving Jonathan her hand.

Jonathan felt his heart rush as he saw her face. She was beautiful. Her blue eye's sparkled with light that transfixed him.

"Anytime now would be fine," said the woman.

Jonathan blushed knowing he had been caught staring at her. Jonathan pulled her up but as she put weight on her left foot she cried in pain.

"I guess it's more then just my pride that hurts," she joked as she stood on one leg.

Jonathan went to her side. "Here let me help you to a chair."

The woman nodded and put her arm over Jonathan's shoulder as Jonathan put his arm around her waist so to support her weight. The two hobbled over to a nearby table where Jonathan helped the young lady to a seat. Jonathan pulled a chair up so he was facing her.

"Can I have a look at your foot?" Jonathan asked.

The young woman slowly raised her foot and Jonathan moved closer and rested it on his legs. Jonathan slipped the woman's shoe off. He gently felt around her ankle. The woman recoiled as Jonathan touched it.

"I think you just twisted your ankle," said Jonathan. "They might have a medical Tricorder at the counter; at very least they'll have ice so to keep the swelling down."

Jonathan careful lifted her leg off him and stood up. "I'll be right back."

The woman smiled sweetly at Jonathan as he left.

As Jonathan made his way to the counter his mind returned to the peculiarity of these events. He knew what was going to happen, yet he didn't. He had no control of what he was saying or doing, put he still said and did it. It was as if he was just along for the ride. It was like his mind was in his body, yet it was disconnected and could only experience what was going on, not actual take part in it.

Jonathan returned to the table with an icepack and a drink. He placed the drink next to the woman. "This must be the only café in San Francisco that doesn't have a medical Tricorder, so ice will have to do. The guy at the counter remembered what you ordered, so I got you another drink."

"Thank you. You didn't have to do all this. It's very chivalrous of you."

Jonathan sat down and put the woman's foot back on his legs and passed the ice pack on it. He then looked up smugly at her. "I like to think I'm the last vestige of chivalry left on this crazy, crazy world."

The woman laughed at Jonathan's joke. "You're funny too. Your girlfriend is a very lucky woman."

Jonathan blushed again. "Ah, I'm single."

"A catch like you! That's hard to believe."

Jonathan blushed even more. There was no doubting the attraction between the two of them, but for some reason Jonathan knew this was going to happen. Jonathan tried to look serious but every time he looked into her eyes, he melted. Plus he couldn't get the stupid smile off his face every time he looked at her. So he kept his eyes on the ground.

"How's your ankle feeling now?" asked Jonathan, changing the subject.

"Cold. I think it's getting better. I don't live too far from here. I was just coming here because they make great coffee. I've got a medikit at my place. If you don't mind helping me there?"

Jonathan sat there and tapped his chin with his finger. "I don't know. I was pretty set on walking pointlessly through the park," joked Jonathan.

The woman put her hands together and mocked pleading. "Please. It won't take long and it's still early. You have plenty of time to walk around pointlessly."

"Okay," gave in Jonathan. "But you'll owe me one."

Jonathan got up and helped the woman up. The two hobbled away from the café. Jonathan felt something special between the two of them as he held the woman close. The two walked the short distance to where the woman lived. The woman lived in a fairly large apartment complex just off the park.

They stopped in front of the building.

"This is it," said the woman. "I think I can make it the rest of the way."

Jonathan unwrapped his arm from her and she gently put weight on both feet. She looked uncomfortable but motioned Jonathan away when he went to support her again.

"You've done more then enough. Really, I can walk the rest of the way."

Jonathan nodded, already missing the contact.

"Thank you," said the woman. She then raised an eyebrow. "You know I don't even know your name."

"Jonathan. Jonathan Masters."

The woman nodded, smiled broadly and held out her hand. "Melissa McKenzie. Nice to meet you, Jonathan."

Jonathan smiled back, unable to say anything as he re-established physical contact.

They held hands for a while just looking at each other before Melissa broke contact.

"I better get inside before my leg falls off. Thanks again for your help."

"Anytime."

Melissa slowly made her way towards the entrance to her building. Jonathan turned and started to walk off. Everything was familiar because he knew he'd seen it all before in another time, but this man he was sure he had never seen before, not in the past or present.

Jonathan was about to ask himself what that exactly meant, when he heard his name been called from behind him. Jonathan turned to see Melissa at the door to the building calling him.

"I owe you one!" she yelled to Jonathan. She then winked at him and disappeared into the building.

Jonathan wanted to go after her but he knew he couldn't. He couldn't change what was happening, or to be more precise what had happened. Instead he followed the script and turned to be on his way.

Jonathan walked forward, as he did everything around him faded into whiteness.

* * *

><p>Jonathan's eyelids shot open as he awoke. He sat up and looked around confused before realising he had been dreaming. He had to have been dreaming because the events that took place happened nearly two decades ago.<p>

Jonathan got out of his bed and went to his bathroom. He hung his head over the basin and turned the tap on, letting the water flow into his hand. Jonathan splashed the water over his face, as if it would clear his mind. Jonathan looked up at his reflection in the mirror. Jonathan turned away quickly and walked to his desk.

He flopped into his chair and switched on the computer screen and appearing immediately was notification that he had received a message. Jonathan checked what the message was and saw it was the files he requested on Lieutenant Wessling from Starfleet records. Jonathan opened them and went navigated his way to the section on her time at the Institute. He found that it has a much more comprehensive file that the one Lieutenant Letac had provided. Jonathan looked through it and found that it included voice recordings. Jonathan quickly scanned the recording with his eyes and found there were a lot of things that he wanted to hear.

Jonathan then decided on a course of action. "Computer, where is Commander Core?"

The computer immediately gave him a response. _"Commander Core is located on the Bridge."_

Jonathan asked the computer to be more precise.

"_Commander Core is seated in the Captain's chair."_

Jonathan nodded once he heard the information. "Patch me through to the Captain's chair's private communications," ordered Jonathan.

The computer chirped in confirmation and Commander Core soon answered.

"_Commander Core here."_

"Commander, it's the Captain. I'll be spending the rest of the day in my quarters today. Only contact me if it is urgent."

"_Yes, sir,"_ said Commander Core with uncertainty in her voice. _"Can I ask why?"_

"I have several important reports to go over. That is all, Commander. Masters out."

* * *

><p>Commander Susan Core was cut off by the Captain's sudden ending of the transmission and her mouth was half open. She looked at the armrest controls and wondered if she should try communicating with the Captain again.<p>

Core felt every pair of eyes on the Bridge looking at her and she quickly dismissed the idea. It wouldn't be good for morale if they witnessed her and the Captain getting into an argument. So she looked up and around her.

"That's a bit odd, even for the Captain," said Lieutenant Letac.

"There's nothing odd about it, Lieutenant," said Core sharply. "He said he was busy."

"But what can he be doing in his quarters all day?" asked Ensign Frank Cole. "That he couldn't do in his Ready Room just as easily?"

"Probably just wants to sleep for the rest of the day," said Lt. Commander Nikki Whitechapel.

Cole looked at the Lt. Commander asking if she was serious.

"He is the Captain," continued Whitechapel. "Just another perk of command."


	5. Chapter 4

Jonathan found the recording he wanted to listen to. It was one of the early recordings the then Cadet Wessling had made; at least one of the early ones were the patient had been cooperative. Most of the recordings were of the patient telling the Cadet her history.

Jonathan played it.

"_How are you feeling today, Melissa?" _asked who Jonathan guessed was a then Cadet Aimee Wessling.

"_How would you feel if you were couped up in this place,"_ replied Melissa, her voice filled with venom.

The Cadet ignored the comment and went on. _"So where were we? Oh yes, you'd just meet Mr. Masters. After your first meeting when did you next have contact with him?"_

To Jonathan's surprise Melissa quickly answered, despite her venomous reply to Cadet Wessling's previous question. By this time Melissa obviously felt comfortable with the Cadet or just gave up and told her the story.

"_It was probably two weeks later. Again it was by chance. We passed each other in the same park. I offered him dinner to repay him for helping me that day."_

"_Did you know he was a Starfleet cadet?"_

"_No, both times we met he was in civilian clothes. It was at dinner that night that he told me."_

"_How did it make you feel when he told you?"_

Melissa scoffed. _"It's San Francisco! Half the population is part of bloody Starfleet!"_ Her voice became softer. _"So I wasn't surprised. I was a bit suspicious at first, because of those stories you hear about Starfleet cadets who are just after one thing. But he was fantastic. He was handsome, charming, kind, generous, polite, and had great posture. He was a real gentleman."_ Melissa's voice broke and Jonathan wasn't sure but he thought he heard sobbing.

Jonathan lent back in his chair and looked up at the ceiling. He remembered everything Melissa had spoken about. There meeting wasn't as by chance as she had thought. Jonathan remembered been captivated by her. He had notbeen able to get her out of his mind, so everyday he had gone back to the park and walked around or sat and looked for her. He went before his classes, after his classes and if there was enough time, between his classes. He was about to give up when he finally ran into her.

As for his clothes, it hadn't been part of any trick, it was just luck. Both meetings occurred after his classes or on his days off, so he had not been wearing his uniform. Jonathan remembered how at first he wasn't all that thrilled with wearing the uniform. But as time went on he became immensely proud of wearing the uniform, though he still liked to get out of it every once in a while and disappear into a crowd.

Melissa's impression of him from their first date was surprising. Jonathan didn't realise he had affected her so much, he knew he did enough to get another date but this new revelation was surprising.

Melissa made a greater impression on Jonathan then their first meeting. He already knew she was attractive and pleasant but he learnt a lot more about her. She was funny, sweet, gracious, clever, and much, much more. If God had ever designed the perfect woman, Melissa would be it.

Jonathan snapped back to attention as he heard the Cadet announce the ending of the session. He had missed most of it has he went into thought. But he didn't replay it. Instead he moved onto the next recording and sat back. He closed his eyes as he listened to the recording. His mind played images of the past and old feelings resurfaced. His thoughts were deeply entrenched in the past, a painful past.

* * *

><p>Jonathan opened his eyes. He hadn't been sleeping, in fact he hadn't slept for…well, God knows! He had sat and listened to each recording without a break. He didn't stand or go and get food. But he didn't feel hungry or tired, he just sat and listened.<p>

He relived everything that Melissa said. When he listened he closed his eyes and saw it all as if it happened just yesterday. He saw their first couple of tentative dates. Then he saw as their relationship blossomed. He started to sacrifice everything for her. His friends, family and his future career. He even considered dropping out of the Academy.

"_Then it came," _said Melissa on the recording. _"He got a six month long field assignment. So I was going to be without him for six months, but he refused not to go. You see Jonathan is a very proud man. He never gives up; he will go with everything to the end. He said that he would not give up on the Academy; he would go on till the end and graduate then resign his commission. So I went with him to the Academy, to wish him luck before he left. I guess losing him started on that day."_

Jonathan's mind turned to the day in question; he and Melissa were walking the gardens of the Academy in each others arms. Melissa could only stay long and had to leave. Jonathan and Melissa embraced before she left. Jonathan watched her as she left; trying to figure out what he would do if he didn't have her in his life. A voice behind him caused Jonathan to turn.

"Pardon?" Jonathan asked an elderly man, who looked like a Groundskeeper. Though Jonathan didn't recognise the man, he had a familiar presence about him. He must have seen him around the academy gardens before.

"She's a beautiful, young lady," repeated the man. "You two look every happy together. It must be hard to leave her."

Jonathan looked confused. "To leave her? What makes you think I'm leaving her?"

"You're a third year cadet. You'll be going on your field posting and given the bag you have with you it must be somewhere other then Earth. I've seen it a thousand times before. It's not an easy thing, balancing a relationship and Starfleet."

Jonathan smirked. He forgot he was in uniform; it would be simple for a person to figure that out, especially if they were a groundskeeper at the Academy.

"It's only for six months."

"You never know, it could go for longer," said the old man. "Why, young man this is only the beginning. Once you graduate you might only see your lady friend a few times a year and only for a few days at a time or you might get a long term posting on an exploration mission and then it's a subspace relationship. I hope you both know what you're getting into."

"We do. Don't worry we have it all sorted out. Starfleet will not end our relationship."

The old man let out a laugh. "I've heard that many times before, young man. Starfleet may be all about searching for new things but it doesn't work well with what we have already found."

Jonathan saw a strange look come across the old man's face. It was one of remembering unhappy memories.

"But what is Starfleet when compared to love? If I've learnt one thing in all the years I've been on this Earth it would be to never underestimate the human spirit."

"It can conquer all," said Jonathan.

"Yes it can. You look like the type with spirit; you'll make a fine officer. Have a good tour, young man."

Jonathan smiled and extended his hand to the old man. "Thank you."

They shook hands and Jonathan started to head off to his final briefing before he left. He only travelled a few metres before he turned.

"I'm sorry but I never got your name," said Jonathan.

The old man looked up from his plants. "It's Boothby."

"Jonathan Masters," said Jonathan identifying himself to the gardener. He had heard of Boothby before and that was probably why he seemed familiar.

"I'll remember that name," said Boothby. "I'm sure I'll be hearing it a lot in the future. Now you better hurry. You don't want to be late on your first day."

* * *

><p>Jonathan's mind returned to the present as he returned to listening to Melissa.<p>

"_So how did your relationship go when he was on tour?"_ asked the Cadet.

"_Good but basically one way. He could only send me messages and I couldn't contact him back because of what he was doing. So he only sent me a message every few weeks and as time went on he started to become coy. As if he was hiding something from me, something important to both of us."_

"_Did he have a relationship on the ship he was assigned to? Was that what he was hiding?"_

Melissa made a shocked sound and Jonathan heard what he though was her moving closely to the Cadet. There was no hiding of the venom in her voice. _"If Jonathan was anything, he was faithful. He never cheated on me or on any other woman in his life; I don't want you to say anything to that effect ever again."_

If the Cadet was shocked or alarmed by Melissa's behaviour she didn't show it in her voice as she apologised. The then Cadet Wessling sounded very mature. It was probably why they gave her such a large task for her field assignment.

"_So what was he hiding?"_

"_His feelings on his assignment. He didn't want to appear like he was enjoying it too much. I guess he didn't want me to feel bad about making him give up on his childhood dream. I pretended that I didn't notice but as he got further and further through his assignment it became more obvious that he was going to have a hard time leaving Starfleet, to give up his dream."_

"_Okay, I'm going to fast forward you to when he came back. Was he any different?"_

"_Yes," _said Melissa painfully. _"When he got back it was obvious that he was carrying some emotional baggage. He had matured also. But he was still happy to see me and our relationship picked up right where it left off, or so I thought. He was more distant then usual. He seemed to just go into deep thought for long periods at a time and at night he would always be outside looking up at the sky. It was obvious he was having a hard time with giving up Starfleet. But his graduation was the worst."_

"_Could you be more graphic?"_

"_Everyone was happy! They were all going to join the Fleet; they were going to be James Kirks. I don't think they've been as happy in all their lives, except Jonathan. He looked pained and concerned. Sure he was smiling but his eyes weren't. Do you know you can tell how people are feeling by looking into their eyes?"_

"_I am a counsellor," _said the Cadet.

"_Of course. After graduation he had a week until they were shipped out. So Jonathan had a week to resign."_

"_What was Jonathan's posting?"_

"_The USS_ Winston_. It was assigned to extended patrol of the fringe. He left it until the day of his departure. This is the bit I don't know much about, in the morning he was up for resigning…"_


	6. Chapter 5

Jonathan closed his eyes as he drifted back to the past, to his last day with Melissa. When he opened his eyes he sitting at the edge of a bed. Jonathan was immediately hit with the conflicting feelings that raged inside him at this time of his life. Jonathan turned and looked at the person sleeping in the bed.

She was beautiful. More beautiful then the day they first met. He looked at her while she slept. One hand rested on her pillow, next to her face while the other was under her head, covered in her luxuriously blonde hair. Jonathan reached out and lightly ran his hand through her soft golden hair. Melissa stirred and moaned as she slowly opened her eyes.

"What time is it?" she asked groggily.

"Five-thirty."

"AM?"

Jonathan nodded as he stared into her sky blue eyes. "I'm sorry I woke you."

"It's okay. Who wouldn't want to wake to that face every morning? So why are you…we up this early?" inquired Melissa.

"Some of my friends of the Academy are leaving soon. I just wanted to go and say goodbye."

"Do you have your letter?"

Jonathan felt a stabbing pain in his heart. "Yes. I don't ship out until six this afternoon. There is plenty of time to hand in my resignation, but if I get caught up with friends I might forget about it so I'll take it with me."

"Okay," she said sleepily and turned over.

Jonathan stroked Melissa's cheek and then stood.

"I'll see you this afternoon," called Melissa.

But Jonathan had already left.

The day seemed to go quickly. He said farewell to friends and watched them leave to join their ships. Jonathan saw the looks of joy, excitement, anticipation, and fear as he saw off his friends one by one. It was not easy as must of them knew what he was struggling with. They didn't try to pressure him but they had all wished him the best and hoped he made the right choice. By midday he was alone. His friends had gone and he was left alone. Jonathan then started to wander around aimlessly for hours before he ran into a familiar person.

"Why if it's not young Masters," said the old groundskeeper.

"Good afternoon, Boothby," replied Jonathan.

"So are you all excited with your first posting?"

Jonathan wasn't really looking or listening to Boothby and just nodded.

"Whoa! Settle down. You're likely to pull a muscle. I've seen a lot of cadets and you look more like the ones who don't graduate."

Jonathan just nodded again.

Boothby realised that Jonathan wasn't listening, so he threw a pebble at him. It hit Jonathan's stomach and he looked up.

"Now that you are listening, what's wrong? You don't seem like the same excited man I met last year."

"A lot can change in a year," commented Jonathan. "Especially when you're in space."

Boothby looked concerned. "I take it wasn't a good change. You haven't broken up with your lady friend?"

"No. But she is part of the problem."

"Really? I thought you said you two had things all sorted out."

Jonathan looked Boothby in the eyes. "You certainly remember a lot of our conversation for…" Jonathan trailed off and an embarrassed look came to his face.

"For an old man? I may be old but I'm not senile, at least not yet. When you're in the grounds keeping business it pays to listen to what people say and remember it for future reference. You'll find that people will just come up and talk to you about all manners of things. If you want peace and quiet, don't become a gardener!"

Jonathan laughed. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't be bothering you with my problems."

Boothby walked over to Jonathan. "Then who will you bother with them?"

Jonathan hesitated.

"Just what I thought. Come on, I have a place where we can talk."

Boothby led Jonathan to a small section of the gardens that was enclosed. In the middle of the section was a small pond. Jonathan looked around in surprise. He had been through the gardens hundreds of times yet he never noticed this place.

Boothby seemed to read his mind. "It's amazing what people will miss if you make sure they don't pay much attention to it. I normally come here to relax and have some peace and quiet."

"This isn't on the map of the gardens," said Jonathan.

"This was part of my 'present' from Starfleet for my work both official and unofficial. They make sure that it is not on the maps."

Boothby directed Jonathan to a seat and Jonathan sat down. Boothby sat opposite him.

"So it's not working out like you thought it would, is it?"

Jonathan shook his head. "Since I was young all I wanted to do was join Starfleet, since I first looked up into the night sky with wonder and awe. It was all going just as I planned. I was doing well and I was on track, until one day. The day I met Melissa."

"I can see why, she is quite captivating."

Jonathan stood up and threw his hands out. "It's more then that! After first meeting her I couldn't stop thinking of her. I wanted her and I got her. Then she became my life! I let everything go for her, even my dreams."

Jonathan turned to face Boothby but didn't get a reply or expression other then one of someone listening.

"And I was fine with that, I really was. I was going to just complete the Academy and then resign. I've even got my resignation with me," said Jonathan as he showed the groundskeeper a Datapadd. "But the field assignment changed that. I got to experience life on a Starship and now I don't know what to do."

Boothby took a few seconds to reply. "Is Melissa the one who wants you to leave Starfleet?"

"Yes. She has a life here and doesn't want to leave it to follow me around the quadrant and I respect that. Plus a Starship isn't the safest place for a civilian."

"Or anyone for that matter," added Boothby.

"True. Also it would mean that I would be away for months or even years at a time and I'd only be able to see her on and then and only for a few days at a time. She doesn't want a relationship like that."

"What about you, what do you want?"

Jonathan was taken aback with the question. He didn't know what to say.

"Do you agree with her?"

"Yes," he replied hesitantly.

"What is she giving up?" asked Boothby.

"Well…" Jonathan hesitated as he tried to think. "Nothing. I'm making the big sacrifices for the relationship."

Boothby looked down and shook his head. "A relationship needs to be fair. Each party needs to make allowances for the other or one will come to resent the other for it. In the end the relationship would crumble."

"But it wouldn't be fair for her to give up her life for mine."

"But it's okay for you to give up yours?"

Jonathan went quiet and hung his head and closed his eyes as he went into thought.

"Tell me something, young Masters. How do you feel when you look up into the sky?"

"I don't know."

"Then look up."

Jonathan slowly looked up into the clear blue sky.

"Now, imagine it is night and tell me what you feel."

Jonathan didn't have any trouble. He'd been looking up at the San Francisco night sky for years and the image came easily to his mind as he closed his eyes as if he was looking at the real thing. The same feelings that he felt when looking at the real night sky also came.

"So?" asked Boothby impatiently.

"I feel small. I feel like there is so much out there," Jonathan pointed up into the sky. "And all I want to do is reach out and touch it." Jonathan's stretched out hand closed as if grabbing something. "It is all I ever wanted to do, be among the stars."

A smile of pure happiness came to Jonathan's face as he imagined and spoke about the sky.

"Now look down and imagine Melissa is right in front on you. How do you feel?"

Jonathan's head came down but his eyes remained closed. "I feel like the luckiest man in the universe. Beautiful is a poor word to describe her. Her mind is just as beautiful as her body. I…I love her."

"Now imagine both at the same time. Which one's feelings are most prominent?"

Jonathan did as Boothby said and was swamped by emotions. He almost staggered back from the onslaught. At first it was confusing but in the end he sorted it out.

Boothby startled Jonathan by placing him hand on Jonathan's shoulder. "That is the one you truly want."

Jonathan opened his eyes and looked at Boothby. Boothby was by Jonathan's side. "How do I know if it is the right choice?" asked Jonathan.

Boothby seemed to get older as he responded to the question. He looked tired and worn out. "You'll probably never know," Boothby said as he looked down and slightly shook his head. He lifted his head and looked Jonathan in the eye. "But you have to choose and you have to believe that it is the right choice."

Jonathan looked away from Boothby and back at the ground.

Boothby patted Jonathan's shoulder and said, "It is getting late. You have to do what you have to do."

Jonathan stood perfectly still as he regained his thoughts and then turned to say one last thing to the old groundskeeper. But Boothby had gone. Jonathan walked out of the little alcove and looked around. Boothby was no where to be seen. Either the old man was very fast or Jonathan took a long time to get his thoughts into gear.

Jonathan looked at the Datapadd, which displayed the time. He had very little time left to do what he had decided.

* * *

><p>As Jonathan's conscious cane back to the recording all he heard was crying. Then he heard the Cadet consoling Melissa and asking if she was wanted to end it for the day. Melissa turned the Cadet down.<p>

"_I've come this far. I might as well go the whole way."_

"_Are you sure?" _asked the Cadet. There was no reply but Jonathan surmised that Melissa had nodded. _"So when did you find out Jonathan's decision."_

Melissa was still sniffling as she spoke. _"Around 5:30 that day. I came back home and I expected him to be there waiting for me so to plan our evening. So when I got back I called and called but he wasn't there. As I went around putting my stuff away. But when I got to the bedroom dresser I found a Datapadd with a note under it. I picked up the padd and found it was Jonathan's resignation. I didn't understand what was going on until I picked up the note. All it said was "Goodbye". Then I realised what was going on. I ran to the wardrobe and found his stuff was gone and so were his bags."_

"_How did you feel then?"_

"_How did I feel! I had no time to dwell on feelings; I still had time to catch him before he left, so I went after him. I caught up to him in the corridors of the Academy."_

* * *

><p>"Jonathan! Jonathan!"<p>

Jonathan turned to see Melissa racing down the corridors. She had two security personnel in hot pursuit. Jonathan was right outside the transporter room that would beam him to his ship. Melissa stopped in front of Jonathan as the two security guards caught her. Melissa struggled and yelled at them to let her go.

Jonathan quickly went up and told the security officers it was alright, he knew who Melissa was. They let her go and apologised.

"We need to talk," said Melissa. "In private."

Melissa looked over to the two guards who were still close by watching them.

Jonathan looked around and walked over to talk to the guards. They nodded and one of them went into the transporter room. He came out with the transporter operator.

"I'll be out here when you need to be beamed up," said the operator to Jonathan as he led Melissa into the room.

Jonathan had managed to convince the guards to let Melissa and him into the transporter room to talk, they had agreed but had first locked out the all the consoles in the room.

As soon as the door whooshed closed behind them Melissa spoke. "What are you doing," she said harshly.

"I'm going to my posting."

"But we agreed that you would leave Starfleet!"

Jonathan felt like someone had put a thousand tons on his chest as he spoke. "I changed my mind. I'm going to stay with Starfleet."

"But I have a life here! I don't want to go all over the quadrant," Melissa was yelling now. "If you join we won't be with each other for months at a time. I don't want to have a relationship with a person who I never get to touch."

"I know and either do I. So I'm ending it."

A look of total shock came to Melissa's face. She stammered as she spoke. "You…you don't mean that!"

"It is unfair for me to give up my dream and for you and it is unfair for you to give up your life for me. The only solution is that we continue our relationship over subspace and that would be unfair to both of us. We're going in completely different directions and we're at the fork in the road."

Melissa rushed over to Jonathan and grabbed his chest. "Please don't do this, Jonathan. You're throwing away the last three years."

"Maybe, but if I don't go I'll be throwing away a lifetime."

Jonathan looked Melissa directly in the eyes as he spoke. It was the hardest thing to do, he just wanted to look away but he couldn't. Melissa's eyes were fogging over and he saw a tear run down her cheek. Jonathan took Melissa's hands off his chest and went to the door and called the transporter operator back in. Jonathan walked over to the transporter.

As he passed Melissa she whispered, "I love you."

The way she said it there was no denying that she was telling the truth but her voice was filled with pain. It almost made Jonathan stop and turn so to comfort her but he kept going.

"And you love me!"

Jonathan stopped with that and turned to face her. Melissa's face had tracks from her tears but she had not broken out crying. She looked desperate and hurt.

"You love me!" Melissa pulled out the note he had left and held it up. "You love me and you can't deny it."

Jonathan knew what needed to be said next. "It's not enough."

If it was possible Melissa looked more shocked then before. But that wore out as she slowly shook her head. "No. You lie. You love me."

"Not enough to stay."

"No. NO!" Melissa came up until she was close to Jonathan again. "Don't tell me that. I know, I can _feel_ it!"

"It's over," said Jonathan plainly.

Then with a sudden burst of violence Melissa slapped Jonathan hard across the face. Jonathan saw the security guards, who had followed the transporter operator in approach, Jonathan held up his hand up to stop them.

"Melissa…"

Melissa slapped Jonathan again and then again.

"You're lying! I know you love me! Just say it!"

She slapped Jonathan six times before she broke down and started to cry. She then started to pound her fists on Jonathan's chest.

Between sobs she said, "Please Jonathan. Please."

She buried her face in Jonathan's chest and wrapped her arms around Jonathan and just wept. Jonathan held Melissa and let her cry. He wanted to say those three words but couldn't, he couldn't say it and leave.

"I have to do this," whispered Jonathan. "If you loved me you will let me go."

"It's because I love you that I can't," said Melissa.

Jonathan slowly unwrapped Melissa's arms from him and stepped back. He turned and walked onto the transporter pad. Melissa continued to cry. As Jonathan got onto the Pad he paused and wiped away the tears that were running down his face and composed himself before turning back around to face the transporter operator.

"One to beam up," said Jonathan.

"NO!" Melissa made one last dash for Jonathan but was intercepted by the security guards well short of Jonathan. "Please!" she pleaded. Her beautiful face was contorted from crying and from the pain she was feeling. "No."

"Ready to transport," said the transporter operator.

Jonathan nodded and was about to give the go ahead when he remembered something. "Do me a favour," he said to the transporter officer. "Thank Boothby for his help today."

Jonathan saw a strange look come to the operator's face. It was a strange request.

"Energise."

Jonathan looked over at Melissa and said, "Goodbye, Melissa." Then he felt the sensation of the transporter as it engulfed him. The last thing he saw was Melissa falling to her knees in tears.

* * *

><p>"<em>I then went back to my apartment and just cried," <em> said Melissa despite the tears. _"That's all I did…I sat in the dark and cried. Someone eventually noticed my absence and then I ended up in here."_

"_Have you ever seen, Jonathan since then?" _ asked the Cadet.

"_No. I haven't seen or heard of him. I thought about contacting his family but it hurt to much just thinking about it so I never have."_

"_It was a long time ago, Melissa. Almost six years. Why do you still hang on to it?"_

"_Because it never should have happened!" _said Melissa harshly. _"We were happy and we loved each other but Starfleet ruined it!"_

"_Do you think Jonathan is happy?"_

"_Pardon?"_

"_Do you think that Jonathan is happy?"_

"_I don't know."_

"_Do you think that he would have been happy if he stayed with you?"_

"_Yes! We would have both been happy."_

"_Do you really believe that? It sounds like Jonathan made the right choice."_

"_THE RIGHT CHOICE! HE BROKE MY HEART! HE LEFT ME FOR STARFLEET!"_

It took the Cadet a few minutes to calm Melissa down. Then they continued.

"_You told me he said it was his dream to be in Starfleet. Giving up a dream is a hard thing to do. If he did managed to let it go he would eventually come to resent it and you for making him give up his dream._

"_But he also made the right decision in ending it. It is not easy to have a relationship with someone in Starfleet, especially someone who is assigned to a starship. You don't see them much and when you do see them it is only for a very short time. Plus there is always the risk that they might die on some far off world, a risk they might not be able to retrieve a body and you would have to grieve over an empty casket. I've counselled some people who have to do this and that is the hardest thing about it, sure losing a son, daughter, husband, or wife is painful but not having the body to lay to rest is even more painful."_

Melissa listened carefully to everything that was been said but did not speak.

"_That is why I don't get into a relationship with civilians."_

Jonathan heard a gasp, was it possible that Melissa didn't know that the Cadet was in Starfleet? It made sense, she did seem to distrust Starfleet and she probably wouldn't be this open with someone from Starfleet.

"_That's right. I'm a cadet; this is my field assignment for the academy."_

"_This is just offensive! They give me someone from Starfleet and the person hasn't even finished brainwashing camp! Shouldn't you be out helping the drones on a Starship or something?"_ Melissa didn't even try to hide and anger or sarcasm in her voice.

"_Melissa don't you wonder why Jonathan chose Starfleet?"_

"_Because they brainwash you into thinking that Starfleet is the only thing to do. That it's the only thing that is important."_

"_Starfleet is important. They are our scientists, our explorers, our protector and our warriors. It is an important part of our continuing way of life. People join Starfleet because they want to make a difference and because they want to help everyone. Not just themselves but you and everyone else that lives in the Federation._

"_They don't do it because they are selfish but because they are not. They give up a lot of things, a normal life, a stable life, friends, family, their safety and sometimes their lives."_

"_If I want the propaganda I would go and sit in a recruitment office," _retorted Melissa.

"_I might not be able to get you to change your views on Starfleet but you have to let go. You can't change the past. You're a capable, amazing and beautiful young woman. You deserve to live your life. Let go of the past and embrace the future."_

Melissa remained silent.

"_This is the last time I'm going to see you. I finish next week and then I'm back at the Academy."_

Melissa still remained silent. There were sounds of papers and things been gathered and the sound of a chair been pushed back.

"_You know that if you didn't have such a distrust of Starfleet you would make a good officer. The only way I can see you getting rid of your hate is to experience Starfleet. I think it would do you well and you would do Starfleet good if you joined."_ The cadet fumbled with something. _"Have this."_

"_What is it?" _asked Melissa suspiciously.

"_The only thing holding you back is yourself. If you do move on this is where you can apply to Starfleet."_

Melissa hissed and the sound of something crumpling and been thrown across the room.

"_Well, goodbye, Melissa."_

The recording ended there. That was the last recording that the then Cadet Wessling had made with Melissa. There was no other information in Lieutenant Wessling's records of Melissa. Jonathan switched off this monitor.

He suddenly felt very tired. Not really that surprising as he had gone three days without sleep. Jonathan slowly got up and stumbled to his bed, as much from sitting down for an extended period of time as well as his tiredness. Jonathan collapsed on his bed and got under the covers. As he fell into sleep all Jonathan could feel, all he could remember was the cold and empty feeling he had.


	7. Chapter 6

Commander Susan Core sat quietly reading in one of the _Swiftfire's_ lounges. She flicked a strand of her blonde hair from her face as she took a sip of her drink. Another female officer approached Core's table.

"Mind if I join you, Commander?"

The Commander looked up at the smiling figure. "Of course Major Stevens."

The Major was second in command of the Marine contingent on the _Swiftfire._ She was probably also totally opposite to the Commander. The Commander was tall, blonde, blue eyed and resembled a movie star from Earth's 50s, the Major was not particularly tall, dark haired, brown eyes and of golden skin. Plus the Major was known as a serious person who was all about duty; whereas Core was known for her more elaborate traits.

"I hope you weren't reading anything too important, sir."

Core put down the padd and took another sip of her drink.

"No, it's only the Federation News Service. I just was catching up on what is happening in the rest of the quadrant. So what do you want?"

The Major looked slightly insulted. "Excuse me?"

Core put down her drink and folded her arms. "Now, now. Don't get like that. You are obviously after something from me. You aren't the type to just join someone you only say a few words to for a nice little chat. So let's get on with it."

Major Stevens smiled broadly. "As you wish, Commander." She lent over the table and lowered her voice. "There is this rumour going around that the Captain has been a no show for the past couple of days. I was just wondering what was going on."

"In other words all the Marines want to know and you got the short straw."

"Close, the Marines and the pilots want to know…but I did get the short straw."

Core smiled, she was liking the Major more and more.

"I'm afraid I don't have much to say," said Core.

The Major looked disappointed. "Come on, Commander. Just give me something."

The Commander lent back and sighed. "I'm not being coy, Major. The fact is I don't really know what is going on."

The Major looked surprised. "I thought you and the Captain were good friends."

The Commander sighed again. This wasn't the first time this had happened since the Captain basically disappeared. Everyone thought that she knew his every move and more importantly they thought she understood his moves and moods. To put it plainly she doubted that anyone in the universe understood the Captain 20% of the time.

"We are, but I'm not his minder and I'm definitely not a mind reader, so don't expect me to know what's going on. All I got was that he is busy doing something, what, he didn't say."

"I heard that he wasn't answering hails or even his door."

Core was surprised by this revelation. But she knew she shouldn't be. The _Swiftfire_ was basically a small town and gossip spread like a wild fire. Plus Marines were at all the important centres of the ship, including the Bridge. They probably got the news before anyone else did.

"That is true," admitted the Commander. "But the Captain said he didn't want to be disturbed until further notice and so far he hasn't changed those orders."

"It is a bit strange," commented the Major.

Commander Core shook her head. "I love the Captain like a brother but when it comes down to it, strange seems to be the norm with him."

* * *

><p>"<em>Beep."<em>

Jonathan rolled over at the sound. _What would it take to get some rest!_ He ignored it and went back to sleep.

"_Beep."_

Jonathan frowned.

"_Beep."_

"Computer, turn that damn sound off!" yelled Jonathan.

"Unable to comply."

"What do you mean unable to…"

"_Beep."_

Jonathan shot up angrily. He was going to find where that noise was coming from and destroy it. Jonathan waited for the next beep and realised it was coming from his desk computer. Jonathan was surprised by this since he thought he turned it off before he went to sleep.

Jonathan went up to the computer and that he had a message.

"This better be damn important," said Jonathan out loud as he took a seat in his desk's chair.

Jonathan opened the message and read the subject heading.

"I didn't request anymore personnel files," said Jonathan to the computer screen as if would explain what was going on.

He opened the file and read out who it belonged to.

"Starfleet personnel records for Melissa McKenzie!" This woke Jonathan up completely. He started to quickly scan and read the document.

Jonathan couldn't believe what he was reading. It appeared Lieutenant Wessling had been more successful then she thought because Melissa had managed to get accepted to the Academy for the year following the Lieutenant's visit. Jonathan couldn't believe it. Plus she had graduated almost top of her class. Melissa had completely turned her life around.

It also meant that she had been part of Starfleet for around five years and hadn't contacting him. Then Jonathan realised what he was saying, he had deeply hurt Melissa why would she want to contact him? Plus Starfleet was a big organisation and just finding him would have taken a lot of work.

All Jonathan could think of now was contacting her. If only to say he was sorry for what he did to her all those years ago. Jonathan picked up his pace with scanning and reading. Melissa seemed to have a fast rising career. She had quickly made it to Lieutenant, even faster then Jonathan had. Jonathan finally got to her current posting. Melissa was stationed on the _Miranda_ class, USS_ Sitak_, as the Operations officer.

Jonathan checked the time and found it wasn't too late and hailed Starfleet Command.

"_Starfleet Command, how can I assist you, Captain Masters?_" said a young looking Vulcan Ensign.

"I'm just after the current assignment of a starship," said Jonathan.

"_Very well, Captain. If you will tell me the ship's name I was see what information I have that I can give you."_

Jonathan nodded. Jonathan's security clearance only went so far so there might be information unavailable to him.

"I'm after the USS_ Sitak_."

The Vulcan nodded and looked away as he checked his computer records.

"_USS _Sitak_, _Miranda_ class. Assigned to the Second Fleet. Current status, destroyed."_

"What?" said Jonathan loudly.

The Vulcan looked up without any emotion. _"The vessel is listed as destroyed, Captain."_

"When? How?" asked Jonathan quickly, almost getting his tongue tied.

"_I do not have the exact time, Captain. But it is listed as destroyed beyond salvage during Operation Return, the mission to retake Deep Space 9."_

"I know what Operation Return is! I took part in it!"

The Vulcan bowed his head slightly. _ "I apologise, Captain."_

"Is there any reports of survivors?" asked Jonathan.

The Vulcan went back to his computer and checked. _"Yes. Several crewmembers managed to get to escape pods. A total of thirty-one survived."_

Jonathan's hope was quickly fading. 31 out of the nearly 300 crew meant that there was not much chance she survived.

"_The salvage operation is still continuing at the battle site,"_ continued the Vulcan. _"I will check if they have completed going through the _Sitak_. It is possible they have found more survivors and have not updated the records, if that is okay with you Captain?"_

Jonathan nodded and the Vulcan went on with it. It took nearly a minute for the Vulcan to receive the information.

"_The salvage teams have gone through the _Sitak_. A further sixteen survivors were found. With the bodies that were found in free space that makes a total of two hundred and three bodies retrieved. The chance of finding any more bodies is point zero, zero, zero…"_

"I understand," said Jonathan ending the Vulcan's report. "Is a Lieutenant McKenzie among the survivors?"

The Vulcan completed the query quickly. _"No, Captain."_

"What…can you tell me about her status?"

The Vulcan again had the results quickly. "Lieutenant McKenzie, Melissa is listed as Killed In Action."

"Did they recover her body?" said Jonathan despite the tightening he was feeling in her chest.

"_No."_

"How did she die?"

"_The report does not state."_

Jonathan was struggling to keep the tears back. He had found out that he had hurt Melissa more then anyone else in his life, then he found out she had gotten through it only to be killed. What made it worse was that it happened not long ago and he felt that he was so close. It didn't help to have a Vulcan deliver the new as if he was reading a book on water purification methods on the Vega colony.

"Thank you, Ensign. That will be all."

The Vulcan nodded at the Captain and the transmission ended.

* * *

><p>Commander Core pressed the door alarm for the third time. Just like the two previous times the Captain did not respond.<p>

"Computer, are you sure that the Captain is in his quarters?" asked Core.

"_Affirmative. The Captain is in his quarters. Deck 7, section 27…"_

"Enough, Computer."

Commander Core pulled out the Tricorder that Lt. Commander Whitechapel had given her. Core didn't want it to come to this, but it had. She opened the door control panel and ran the Tricorder near it. The door opened.

It took some doing but the Commander had managed to get the Lt. Commander to give her the override codes for the Captain's quarters. As the Head of Security the Lt. Commander had codes to get to any part of the ship, even the Captain's quarters. The Lt. Commander had put the codes in the Tricorder on the condition that the Commander only uses them once and not to implicate her in anything that she did.

The Commander slowly walked into the dark quarters. She turned and saw that Jonathan was at his desk, but facing away from her.

"Jonathan," said Susan softly. "Jonathan, are you alright?"

"What are you doing here?" said Jonathan hoarsely.

"I was worried about you. Can I turn some lights on?"

"No and I'm fine, Commander."

Susan just stood there not knowing what to say.

"Will you be on the Bridge tomorrow?" she asked.

"No. My orders stand. Only contact me if it is urgent."

"You don't look very busy, Jonathan. Can I ask what you've been up to?"

"You may not, Commander. This conversation is over, please leave."

"Jonathan, I don't…"

"The conversation is over, Commander," said Jonathan forcefully. "Leave now or I'll get security to take you out."

Jonathan's tone showed that it wasn't an empty threat. The Commander wanted to argue but decided not to push Jonathan.

"Yes, _sir_," said Core mockingly as she went out the room.

She was half way down the corridor when she ran into Wing Commander Benton.

"Commander," said Benton.

"Maxine, just the person I need. Come with me."

"Okay," said Benton as Core dragged her down the hall and back to the door of Jonathan's quarters.

"Maybe you can get something out of him," said Core.

"The Captain?"

"I'm sure you've heard of his odd behaviour recently. I just went in and Jonathan just basically kicked me out! I want you to go in and see if you can get any answers out of him."

"I'll try," said Benton. "But he doesn't answer his door. I've tried twice and both times he ignores it."

The Commander pulled out her Tricorder and proceeded to open the door.

"You have the override codes?" Benton said surprised.

"If the Lt. Commander Whitechapel asked don't tell her I did this again."

The door opened and Core ushered Benton inside, who tentatively stepped into the dark room.

"I will get security, Commander Core," said Jonathan.

"It's Maxine," said Benton. "Let me turn on some lights before I step on something."

"No, don't turn the lights on."

"Why?"

"I want it this way."

"That doesn't sound good. I've heard that tone before, back when you thought your father had been killed. What's wrong Jonathan?"

"Noth…ing," said Jonathan, but he was unable to keep his voice from breaking.

"I may not be much of a telepath but even I can tell that you're lying. You've lost someone again, haven't you?" asked Benton softly.

"I don't want to talk about it."

"Jonathan…"

"I DON'T want to talk about it, Maxine," said Jonathan harshly. He half turned to Maxine and was the only movement he had made since she had come in. "Please, Maxine. Just leave."

Maxine was still startled by Jonathan's earlier tone and did move or say anything.

"I can't talk to you about it. Please," said Jonathan. His tone had gone from rough to pleading in the matter of seconds.

"Okay," said Benton. "But if you decide that you can talk to me about it just call."

"I will."

As Benton left she knew that Jonathan didn't mean it. He had said it just to get her out of the room. Commander Core was still outside when she left.

"So?" asked the Commander. "What did you learn?"

Benton slowly and sadly shook her head.

Core's shoulders slumped in defeat. "I was afraid of that."


	8. Chapter 7

The next day the situation had not changed. So in the afternoon the Commander called a meeting with Wing Commander Benton, Lt. Commander Whitechapel and Dr. Murphy.

"This can't go for much longer," said Core as she addressed the three other women in the Observation Lounge off the Bridge.

This was unusual for the Commander; on all the ships she had served there hadn't been sure a female presence at the top of the chain. It was not that Starfleet discriminated against females; in fact numbers of males and females was just about even. It was just that the Commander had never come across it before.

"I agree," said Whitechapel. "The rumour mill is going insane and morale is taking a hit from the Captain's lack of presence."

"I agree with the Lt. Commander," said Benton. "The latest and hottest rumour is that the Captain is a Changeling and we've imprisoned him in his quarters until a Starfleet Intelligence team can get here and take him away."

"What can we do?" asked Whitechapel. "You both say he's not willing to leave or even speak with anyone."

"I can declare him medically unfit," said Murphy. "Get security to take him to Sickbay and run some tests on him. I could even get a psychologist to have a look at him. Seems he might be suffering from stress or from some sort of traumatic event."

"That would do morale a lot of help. 'Hey, did you hear, the Captain's a nut job'," said Benton.

"We have to think about what is best for the ship. If we come under attack we would waste valuable time trying to get the Captain up here and if he doesn't come it would be disastrous," said Whitechapel.

"I think getting the Doctor to confine him would be the last option," said Core. "There was to be a way to get him to snap out of it."

"There is. We need time and a Counsellor, both of which we don't have," said the Doctor. "Someone, probably Starfleet Command is going to want to talk to the Captain sooner or later and it is not going to look good if the Captain has lost it."

There was a chirp that broke up the conversation as the internal communications came online.

"_Commander, we have a communication for Captain Masters,"_ said Karak over the intercom. Susan had taken the precaution of having any incoming transmission go to her first.

"Transfer it here, Lieutenant," ordered Core.

She waited nervously as the transmission was routed to the screen in front of her. Core's tension eased when the image of Captain Sisko did not materialise but instead one of a young attractive female Trill.

"I'm Commander Core, First officer," identified Core.

"_Commander, I'm Lt. Commander Jadzia Dax, Science officer of DS9. I was wondering where your Captain was."_

Core hid her surprise. Why would a science officer on the station be looking for the Captain? Well, she would find out.

"May I ask why you want the Captain?"

Lt. Commander Dax didn't look surprised at the question nor did she try to deflect it.

"_I'm getting married soon and I just wanted to tell Jonathan, I mean Captain Masters, the time of the ceremony,"_ Dax's voice was filled with obvious excitement.

Commander Core looked up at the others. It was obvious that Lt. Commander Dax knew the Captain enough to invite him to her wedding and she had used his first name very casually indicating that they might be friends. Everyone's mind was on the same course with the Commanders and they motioned for her to continue.

"Lt. Commander Dax, can I ask you a personal question?"

It was Dax's turn to look surprised. _"Sure."_

"_You wouldn't happen to be friends with Captain Masters would you?"_

A smile came to Dax's face. _"Yes, why else would I invite him to my wedding!" _joked the young Trill. _ "I've known him for close to ten years. I just caught up with him a few days ago and told him I would contact him about the time of the wedding but I've been trying for ages and I get no response. He is there isn't he?"_

Core nodded. "He is. Would you say you're close with Jonathan?"

Dax shrugged slightly. _"Jonathan doesn't really let anyone get too close to him. But I'd say I'd be as close as he would let anyone get to him."_

Core felt a surge of hope flow through her. They still had a chance to fix the situation.

"Lt. Commander, do you think you have enough time to come onboard the _Swiftfire_ before you get married?"

Dax nodded._ "I'd say so, why?"_

"I'll explain it to you when you get here."

Dax, never one to get a good mystery go agreed. _"I'll beam over immediately."_

* * *

><p>Dax walked into the dark room. She knew where Jonathan would be so she immediately turned to face him, at least face his back. Jonathan was bathed in soft light from a hologram and even from that distance Dax could see that he looked dishevelled. The hologram was of a still grey picture. It was close-up of a young human female. A sad looking woman whose head rested on her hand. Her eyes were looking down and she looked as if everything in her world was grey, like the picture. In the background was an extreme close-up of the woman's face. Her pain and sadness clear for the whole world to see.<p>

Dax also had a unique angle of it. In the background Deep Space 9 and the Bajoran sun had moved into view on the right. It looked almost as if space outside the ship had pasted his picture over everything else.

"Hello, Jonathan," said Dax.

"I really should get the override code changed," said Jonathan.

"Do you mind if I turn on the lights?"

"Yes."

"Too bad," said Dax as she turned on the lights.

The room was flooded by light. Jonathan cringed from the sudden burst of light. It became obvious how dishevelled Jonathan was. He looked dirty and unkempt. He had obviously not had a shower, changed or even shaved in a while.

"I can't say you look too good there, Jonathan," said Dax.

"Dax, I just want to be alone."

"Tough," said Dax as she moved around so that she was in front of Jonathan.

"I don't want to get security to escort you out of my quarters but if I have to I'll do it."

"That would only be a threat if the communication system hadn't been turned off in here," revealed Dax. "Now tell me what's going on? You've got your crew freak out."

Jonathan sat silently and just stared at the hologram.

"Who is she? Does she have anything to do with this?" asked Dax, probing for a response.

Jonathan didn't look up. "I did this to her. The pain and sadness you see is because of me."

"Who is she, Jonathan?" Dax asked a second time.

"Mel. Have I ever told you about Mel, Dax?" For the first time Jonathan looked up at Dax.

Dax was good at reading people's mood from their body language, but eight lifetimes of experience told her that the eyes were the only things that mattered. They were indeed the window into a person's soul. As Dax looked into Jonathan's eyes all she saw was pain.

"No."

"I met her during my time at the Academy. She was my first true love. But I gave her up. I gave her up for this."

"You mean Starfleet?" Dax asked.

Jonathan nodded solemnly. "I knew I would hurt her when I did it. It hurt me to do it, but I did it. I thought, 'She'll get on with her life. She'll be okay. In the end we'll both be happier for it'. I couldn't be more wrong. I put her into a psychiatric institute. She was in there for six year because of the hurt and the pain I inflicted on her."

"What's happened to her?" Dax asked softly.

"In the end she got it back together and left. She even joined Starfleet. She was killed during the battle to retake DS9 and I never knew. I never knew how close she was. I never got to apologise to her, say 'I'm sorry'."

Dax moved closer and knelt next to Jonathan. She put her hand to his face and felt the stubble that had grown on it over the last few days.

"There are always regrets in someone's life. I should know. I have eight lifetimes worth of regrets. But you can't let them defeat you, you have to put them away and get on with it."

"But I can't. Ever since the day I hurt her I've been carrying around my hurt and guilt over doing it. I tried to distract myself from it with duty and only duty. How could I get really close with another being knowing of the pain and hurt I was capable of inflicting on them."

"That explains a lot," said Dax. Jonathan glared at her. "Back when we first met. That night in London, the way you kept me from getting really close to you, even when I dropped my robe and got into bed with you. You went along for a while but you stopped. You rejected me, as nicely as possible of course, but it still hurt. At first I thought there was something wrong with me. But when I looked into your eyes I saw that you were attracted to me but something was stopping you. I knew from then we would only be friends."

"I remember," said Jonathan. "I don't regret doing that. Because if I did I would have hated myself more then I did and I would have resented you. We wouldn't have been friends otherwise."

"I glad you did too," agreed Dax. "But you've got to forget about the past, Jonathan. It's going to ruin your career if you don't."

"My career is the problem. It is the reason that this is all happened. I should just give it all up."

Dax's eyes blazed with anger. "My God, Jonathan! Can you just act your age? You gave up this _Mel_ for this career. You have put half your life into this; you can't just give it up!"

"But Mel…"

"She's dead!" yelled Dax. She grabbed Jonathan's head with her hands and held it as her gaze bored into his eyes. "She is dead. She got her life back together and she was living it. It sounds like for a time she gave up. She was alive yet dead inside. But she came back and lived. Now you've got to do the same. If you don't you'll be just as dead as she was. Would she want that?"

Jonathan's eyes started to water as tears came down his cheek.

"Would she want you to stop living? By the sounds of it she loved you. If you love someone you want them to keep going, not to lie down and die."

"But I hurt her so much!" cried Jonathan.

"She got on with her life, Jonathan. To do that she would have had to forgive you, if she can do it why can't you?"

Jonathan couldn't speak as he was crying too much. Dax let go of his face and wrapped her arms around him, giving him a shoulder to cry on. Jonathan cried until he ran out of tears.

"Are you okay?" asked Dax.

Jonathan just nodded into her shoulder.

Dax lent back and looked Jonathan in the face. "I'm getting married in two hours at Quark's," she said. "I want you to be there."

She stood up and stared down at Jonathan.

"A good friend just taught me this today, you have to let go of the past. I want you to let go of the past and live for the present and the future. Don't let the past destroy you."

Dax walked to the door and turned and said one last thing. "Two hours, Quark's." Then she left.

* * *

><p>The ceremony was over and Jadzia Dax was now a married woman, the first time for Jadzia but not for Dax. The ceremony at Quark's had gone off well. Even Julian and Miles had got into the spirit and participated in the ritual attack that came after the "I do's". Though they might not have thought it such a good idea if they thought about it. The ritual was from Kahless's wedding when he and his bride had been attacked and nearly killed. It was the nearly part that didn't go down well. Worf and Jadzia had fought back as the ritual had demanded and won the mock battle, at the expense of a few cuts, bruises and ribs to Julian and Miles. But a quick visit to the infirmary had quickly sorting things out and now both were back enjoying the reception. Though if you wanted to talk to them you had to do it right next to the food. Both were eating as if they hadn't eaten in days.<p>

Captain Sisko came up to Dax and gave her a hug and kiss. "Congratulations, old man."

"Thank you, Benjamin. I really mean it. If it wasn't for you this might not have happened."

Captain Sisko modestly denied it. "You would have sorted it out, eventually."

The two old friends laughed.

"If it was not for your and General Martok's intervention to get both Dax and myself to see the truth and not let pride blind us this would not have been possible. I am grateful," said Commander Worf.

"Plus if you hadn't got Worf assigned to Deep Space 9, it wouldn't have happened either," added Dax.

"I do what I can to help true love," said Sisko.

Out of the corner of her eye Dax spotted Captain Masters making his way through the crowd. The Captain looked uncomfortable, probably because he was in a room full of strangers.

"Jonathan," called Dax.

Jonathan waved and made him way to Dax. Dax gave him a big hug as he reached her.

"Congratulations, Jadzia," said Jonathan. "I don't think I've ever seen a more beautiful bride in my life."

"Thank you, I'm just glad you made it."

"Only just. When I arrived you were already making your way up to the alter."

"Oh, Captain, this is Captain Jonathan Masters," introduced Dax.

Sisko shook hands with Jonathan. "Nice to meet you, Captain. Have we met?"

"I was here after the Klingon attack on the station, the ship I was assigned to was part of the Admiral Hastur's task force. I was just a Commander at the time."

"Ah, yes. Congratulations on your promotion to Captain."

"Thank you, Captain."

Jonathan lifted up a gift he had been carrying in his hand.

"I'm not too sure if in Trill and Klingon marriage traditions but on Earth it's traditional to give the bride and groom a gift. So I thought I might do that."

Jonathan handed the box to a delighted Jadzia. "It's nothing amazing just something I got during my last visit to DS9."

Jadzia opened the box and inside was a Klingon Bat'leth.

"You've both probably already have one but I don't need one. It's from the Klingon who attacked me on the _Swiftfire._ He died in glorious combat and I got his bat'leth I thought you could give it back to his family or house. I heard that gestures like that go a long way in Klingon culture."

Dax's jaw dropped open in surprise and she looked up at Worf.

"Getting a Klingon warrior's bat'leth in combat in no easy feat. You have earned the right to keep it," said Worf.

"No, I think it belongs with the warrior's family. A symbol of the great Klingon their son was."

"That is a very…honourable thing to do," said Worf. "Thank you, Captain."

Jonathan smiled and shook hands with Worf. "Well, I have to go. We're just getting ready to go on patrol of the Cardassian border. It was nice meeting you again Captain Sisko. Once again congratulations on the wedding."

Dax gave Jonathan another hug. "Thank you, Jonathan."

"No, thank you, Jadzia. For making me see that the past is just that, the past and the present and the future is what truly matters."

With that Jonathan turned and made his way back through the crowd to the Promenade.

Worf looked confused at Dax. "What was that about?"

"I was just passing on some good advice to Jonathan to help him on his journey through life. Come on; let's go see how Julian and Miles are."

As Dax led Worf away she looked back at Sisko and smiled. Sisko smiled back and raised his glass.

"So what do you think of Jonathan now?" Dax asked Worf.

"He is an honourable man. But I still do not like him."

Dax laughed. "That would be too much to ask."


	9. Epilogue

The Lieutenant awoke with a shock. She looked around in a panic. She was confused and didn't recognise her surroundings, even after the effects of sleep wore off. But it became apparent that she was in some sort of cell. The Lieutenant stood up uneasily as her stiff body resisted.

The Lieutenant realised that she was cold. She looked down and realised why. She had been stripped of her uniform and was only in her undergarments. That cut out her next idea. She had nothing on her so she could check the time, date or call anyone. This was a cell after all, when you're put in one the people who put you in generally don't leave you with something you could use to escape with.

It wasn't your usual cell. This one had a large door so you couldn't see out. Most cells were just alcoves with forcefields to cut them off. She walked up to it and touched it. It was cool and felt very solid.

The Lieutenant looked around the cell at the dull grey walls. She wondered how long she had been in there. By the way her body felt she had probably been out for days. Though she remembered been shot by a phaser, obviously on stun, but that could be the reason for her stiffness. In the end she gave up trying to figure it out.

It was then she noticed her stomach rumble. She hadn't eaten in ages. She couldn't use that for time either since she hadn't eaten since before the battle to get to DS9, so it still could be hours or days. Her mind was now on food. She wondered how she was going to get it. There was no call button and she didn't know how sound proof the door was.

There was a sudden noise at the door. The Lieutenant's head spun to see what it was. A flap opened at the bottom of the door and a tray was pushed through. It was a very quick process and even if she had known it was about to happen she wasn't sure what she could have done to help her situation.

The Lieutenant walked over to the food and took it and moved back to the middle of the room. The Lieutenant looked at the food. It didn't look too bad for prison food.

"This food isn't poisoned, is it?" she asked. There was no response, not that she was expecting one. "No, that would be pretty stupid. Kidnap me and put me in a cell all just to poison me with the fish."

The Lieutenant hungrily devoured the food. Afterwards she felt better. At least they weren't going to let her starve to death in here, well, unless she did it herself and refused to eat. But she had heard some scary thing that several races did to make you eat so they could keep you imprisoned longer.

The flap opened again though this time nothing happened. She then realised it was waiting for her to send the tray the food was on back. She looked around futilely. She couldn't see any visual monitoring devices, but these days they came no bigger then a grain of sand, so she had no hope.

The Lieutenant suddenly felt vulnerable. This seemed to be engineered perfectly so that she would gradually learn that despite been in a cold, empty cell she would never be alone. The Lieutenant curled herself up as if it would make her less vulnerable.

"Who are you? What do you want?" she said.

It was now that it sounded as if the room was bigger then it was as the sound seemed to bounce off the walls. She knew that a room like this wouldn't have that kind of acoustics and it would be done by whoever was watching her, so to make the room seem emptier. But it didn't help her knowing this. It still had the same effect. She pulled herself tighter together.

"WHO ARE YOU?" she yelled.

Never in the Lieutenant's entire life had silence been so deafening.


End file.
